I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
