my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
