alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
