Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
