tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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