Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
