OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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