Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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