i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
