I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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