420 ftw
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
