Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
