one two three fourrrrnication!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
