Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
