Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
smell my finger.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's always time for handjobs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
