Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
