How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I will be naked everywhere
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
