well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
