Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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