Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Randomize
