JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we should paint friendship bongs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
