She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
