Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
