ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
