I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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