my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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