Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Don't make out with my wife yet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
