If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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