I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
