He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we should paint friendship bongs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
