i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
