I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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