it wasn't lemon gatorade
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
