soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
