My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
