Got a toothbrush?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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