Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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