I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
