i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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