If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
