I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
