Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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