The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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