a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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