i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
