Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
