she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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