community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
