Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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