are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
