Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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