Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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