oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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