he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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