its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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