I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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