its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
