if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
