I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
