My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
