I could make wine with my vomit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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