Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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