I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
