After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
