we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
